A Lonesome Phoenix
by Kaira Kon
Summary: Kai Hiwatari loves a certain BladerBreaker, but his feelings are driving him to madness, which makes him wants to commit suicide. What is going to happen to Kai? He is going to kill himself? If he does how come the BladeBreakers are going to react?


**Kaira:** Hi there n.n/ this is my 1º Fic in English, actually the original Fic is in Portuguese. Yeah I'm Portuguese, so please don't mind my bad English n.n' I hope you like it n.n/

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**Solitude**

**_How many times have you told me… you love her…?_**

_**As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth…**_

_**How long have I stood here… beside you…**_

_**I lived through you… You looked through me…**_

**Kai's POV**

Again a day of torture…

Why it has to be this way? Why can't you be mine?

If only it was easy like talking…

"I love her…"

This is your daily confidence… and my daily anguish…

Why do I love you?

Each day I desire you more…but I know you're inaccessible…

It is the irony of fate? On the other hand, the punishment for all I did to you?

Maybe it is…

I deserve it…

We hated each other…

However, that changed…

Since the day, you saved me…

My feelings for you changed

How ironic…

When you are with her, you forget about everything and everyone…

Even about me…

Your friend…

Hunf…"friend" … the only thing that I will be for you…

Even though that in my mind… we're lovers…

_**Oh solitude...**_

_**Still with me is only you…**_

_**Oh solitude…**_

_**I can't stay away from you…**_

I get home, just as my foot steps through the door my waiters come to me

They always have stupid causes to make me busy…

But I don't care about anything…

I say that I want no one to disturb me, and I lock myself in my room…

My room is the only place that I can be alone…

The only place that I can think about you, without my grandfather depriving me of my feeling…

Its true… he knows… damnit why did he figure out?

He said that I was the shame of the Hiwatari…

A stain…the black sheep of the family

Like I wasn't since the beginning…

As hard as I try… my feeling for you don't seem to change…

How I hate this sometimes…

**_How many times have I done this… to myself…?_**

**_How long will it take before I see…?_**

_**When will this hole in my heart… be mended?**_

_**Who now is left alone…but me?**_

I love this… it makes me feel so good….

This lovely feeling of the blood running down my wrists…

This pain makes me forget all my problems….

Makes me forget that I am a loser…

A baka that is in love…

However, I'm too cold and arrogant to admit it!

I'm such an ungraceful person….

How could I fell in love with a person from the same sex than I?

How could I fell in love with you…?

After all this… why does she exists?

She had to difficult everything…

She had to be your fiancé…

_**Oh solitude…**_

_**Forever me and forever you…**_

_**Oh solitude**_

_**Only you…only true…**_

I don't deserve to be with someone…

My destiny is to be alone…

It was always that way…

I was always alone…

Since I was I little boy…

I never had any friends…

Until the time I met you…

Living in loneliness…

Solitude as my only companion…

But…will I make it…?

Or will my love for you drive me to madness?

I don't know… only fate will tell…

But I don't believe it…

I don't believe in anything or anyone…

I just want to be alone…

**_Everyone leaves me stranded…_**

_**Forgotten…**_

_**Abandoned…**_

**_Left behind…_**

I want to disappear…

To stay far away from everything…

I want to die…

Yes, die…

Why didn't think of it before?

If I die, everything is going to be fine…

Goodbye to the nights that I stay awake crying…

Mourning your love….

Moreover, you…how would you stay?

Fine… I know it.…

You can finally live your life….

Without troubles…

Just you…and her…

You can finally stay together…

Without having me as an obstacle…

_**i can't stay here another night…**_

**_Your secret admirer…_**

**_Who could it be?_**

I have pity that I am not going too see you anymore…

However, this is best way…

Anyone is going to miss me… I know that…

I was always unimportant to everyone…

I was just one more target to diminish…

Just one more blader to defeat…

I hope that you'll be happy…

That you stay forever with the person that you love…

Since I can't…

I just want to you to be fine…

How ironic…

I never thought that I would say all this…

I… Kai Hiwatari…

Dranzer's master…

Crying for an impossible love…

I'm so weak…

End of Kai's POV

**_Oh can't you see?_**

_**All along it was me!**_

_**How can you be so blind!**_

_**As to see right through me…**_

Kai was sitting in front of his desk; he put down the pen, above the letter that he had finished…. That letter had all his feelings...

He just wanted to Tyson to know everything….after he disappears once and for all…

Kai: This… is going to be painful but I won't regret it… I know that is going to be the best to everyone… - he said while he sit on his bed, he hold a razor blade and cut his wrists again, but this time horizontally and deep. After this, he laid down, tasting the last minutes of his life… - Even thought I'm dying… I had happy moments with all of you… especially with you… Tyson… - then he closed his eyes and fainted.

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Ray: This is so strange… Kai said that he will meet us at the beach… and he is always the 1º to arrive! – running to Kai's house with the rest of the BladeBreakers.

Max: Yeah… something bad happened…

Tyson: Of course, something bad happened! Kai never fails and appointment or a training! Specially training! However, in my case, when I get late he scolds at me!

Ray: But he has a point for scold you u.u'

Tyson: ¬¬ - they arrived to Kai's mansion, and soon the door was opened by his waiter.

Waiter: Sorry… but mister Kai said that he wanted to be alone…

Tyson: I don't care what he wants! – yelled, then runs into Kai's room, violently opens the door – Kai Hiwatari… KAI!! – screams in agony.

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3 years later….

It was a cold day in Japan… all streets were desert… because of all snow accumulated…

Even thought that was cold, a young man with not more than 20 years was standing in front of a tombstone. He had bluish hair and dark blue eyes; it wasn't very hard to guess who he was… because he still had that old baseball cap that Hiro gave to him, when he was a kid.

Tyson: It has been 3 years since you're gone Kai… you have no idea how we miss you… everyone changed a lot after your death. Ray opened a Beyblade school in his village, it seems that the White Tigers are helping him. Max is taking care of his father store, Kenny is working on BBA and I…well…I am going to be a father… Hilary is pregnant of 5 months… it is a boy… so we decided to call him Kai… reverence to you. Everyone loved the idea… - smiled, but soon he smiled fade away as he took a letter from his pocket, the same letter that Kai had written…

…**:Flashback:…**

When they heard Tyson's scream, they run do Kai's room… meeting an horrible scene.

Ray: Oh god… why?

Kenny: I have no idea.…

Max (holds the letter that was on the desk): Hm... Tyson…

Tyson: Yeah?

Max: This is for you… it is from Kai… I guess it explains the motive why he killed himself …

Tyson (reads it): Oh my God… It is my entire fault….

…**: End Of Flashback:…**

Tyson: I admit that… at the beginning, it was kind a shock for me… after all this time… I still feel guilty for your death. I'm sorry that didn't felt the same way for you… and that I was so blind too see it. I am such a baka… I miss you so much; I miss our arguments when you scold at me… I miss our battles… No one was compared to you… You were simply the best. You're always going to be my rival…my best friend… bye… - goes home, turning his back to the grave, that had craved this simply phrase… "Every phoenix reborn from its ashes…We just have to wait for the right moment… because every person deserves a second chance…"

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**Kaira:** Well, what do you think? Telling the truth, I wrote this Fic when I was a bit depressed. Onegai!! Send many reviews XP Pretty please - puppy dog eyes – will you? PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M BEGGING ON MY KNEES! XD

Sayonara n.n/


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